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Some of the best date nights are Alone

Friday date night conversations with myself: And to clarify date with myself and I must say I plan some pretty spectacular dates for us. Meaning Me & Myself. If you wanna know the conversation Keep reading but you might want to turn on your sensor button in a couple paragraphs. Today is day 24 of 30 days of consecutive BreathWork required prerequs for the BreathWork teacher training with Kurtis Breathwork Detox. It's been tough mentally some days and I know I will feel it physically where the oxygen and blood congregate showing me where the emotions have been stored in my body. So, pushing myself through to the finish line is the workout. I had bipolar tonight about wanting to breathe and not. I committed so there wasn't an option but I kept pushing it off. Not getting in to the breath tonight means I start back over at day 1. I had big fat plans to come home from my last client and eat a huge caesar salad and watch a few episodes of Stranger Things just having me time and going to sleep early. The spectacular thing about date night with myself is no expectations, no make up, no outfit...or quite the opposite.....I'm fun with me no matter what, it's always elaborate even in simplicity and to just BE is the best place to be. Tonight the inner me wanted substance. A conversation. I worked hard this week and needed a break. I wanted my inner self to be still and mindless. So did she and it looked different than what I had in mind. She had other plans for me. I was planning to do the minimal BreathWork of 10 mins to get it checked off the list. The voice inside kept suggesting the deep conversation was going to happen further in to the BreathWork than 10 mins. OK, if I want her to continue speaking to me I better listen. Afterall, no one has my best interests in mind more than the one dwelling in my heart space. I took some time to feel in to my Playlist. Laid down. Closed my eyes and began to breathe. And here it comes. My pineal right between my eyes started hurting and the headache begins, the tetany in my hands the tightness in my knees and the other physical discomforts at the 10 min mark are exciting milestones in the breath where I know I'm making progress and I thought I'd finish up at that minimum requirement and get to my salad and show.......That was the date plan. But right with that thought my inner voice had caught my attention. And the conversation began. The first 2 weeks of breathing I experienced so much frustration coming up every time within the first couple minutes. Feelings of being trapped and stuck in my belief systems and environment. I recall day 7 and I as I began to breathe, the irritation was so much I was irritated at being irritated and wondered how it was even possible to function with this much irritation and where was it even coming from and how deep was it exactly?!?! I stopped breathing and started sobbing and screaming in a pillow. I had no words. No answers for what this was. It was irritating!!!!!! And then the word came in a raging scream. 4 Simple lettters. This word of wonder began with F and I was quite impressed with how many suffixes I could add to the end of that 4 letter word. And in my mind the variations were brilliantly creative and made perfect sense of how I felt, Right then, when I thought I had no words and no explanations. Also, this word of wonder was so versatile being both a noun and pronoun but how clever to also be an adjective, adverb and place. Who knew? I kicked and thrashed like a 2 year old who just heard the word " No!" For the very first time. Aaaaaaahhhhh. I felt so much better and resumed the BreathWork. Different emotions continued to arise in the days following. Always in the first few minutes and when I passed that gate the creative remembrance was present and beautiful. And, finally, in the last few days I've experienced mostly shifts of bliss, as equally heightened as the lows feel low, it has aroused much contemplation. This evening as my inner voice persistently encouraged a quiet evening alone in BreathWork and grabbed my attention the moment I was planning to end the session when she gently said "You've experienced so much loss. Do you know why you are here? Right here in this breath, right now?" I had visions of the loss flashing through my mind and sadness stepped in....... ......and then stepped out just as quickly While she asked "What were you willing to lose to remember? Are you willing to experience any of this again to revisit joy, love, ecstacy? It's all right here." And the answer is a resounding YES!!!! In every loss there is gain. In every gain there was a loss. With every ending a new beginning. It's love. That's the answer. A date night at home with my heart having deep one to one conversations as she shows me everything I already know but just forgot along the way. These BreathWork sessions are creating a space of freedom from my thoughts, fears, judgements, shame or guilt I'd only dreamed I'd one day reach. And every bit of the mental focus to persevere has been well worth the shift. If your day had a Playlist what would it sound like??

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