Updated: Apr 20
If I question it, I breathe in to it. I breathe through everything I didn’t used to breathe.....
MMMMM....Well, not really.
Breathing was so shallow. It was in my chest. I wasn't breathing in a way to take full advantage of this magical gift of life.
I was, and sometimes still, a lung breather. Until my inner voice gently reminds me "Breeeeeeeathe". I was a stress in the chest breather vs a healthy abdominal breather where all the emotions are stored.......until a proper consistent breathing releases all of that. My life changed in my first deep holotropic BREATHWORK session.
Holotropic breathwork is a type of pranayama breathing technique developed by a psychotherapeutic doctor, Stanislov Grof. The session achieves similar benefits to psychadelic plant medicines. But the "medicine" is produced in your own body. The music that accompanies the breath allows the ego conscious to quiet so the direct access to your own inner wisdom and guidance has a gateway to speak or to silence. Allowing full surrender to body movement or releasing sounds with breath will increase the ability to experience empty space. That empty space is when the brain ego sleeps and the heart conscious comes to full light and shows you everything youve've been looking past that is right in front of you.
My dear friend Emily was in the body experience of bone cancer and asked me to facilitate her in this particular method of breathing for healing and relief from physical pain. She shocked me with her determination to do this 30 min BreathWork . With a little nudge to jump in, her husband decided to participate. It was the first time attempting this style of breathing, for both of them.
Emily had just gotten her lungs drained and I was a lot more cautious as I began and watched her breathe through her discomforts. I was watching her as she breathed. She would cough then catch her breath and move back in to the rhythmic wave towards no time and the vastness of empty space and inner peace. I advised if anything felt off just stop and breathe normal. I collaborated a music playlist with her incorporating a few of her favorite motivational songs mingled with a few I chose intuitively.
She fully engaged in the experience until the end. She rocked it. She worked hard. Harder than I've seen attendees in great health who didn't have bone cancer or just have a lung collapse or fluid drained from them.
She was committed to herself and her healing. She committed to quieting her thoughts to shut down her ego and own understanding to allow the intelligence within remind her of how powerful and magnificent she is and always has been .
What an inspiration. I watched the determination to get through that 30 minute breath. As the breathing came to an end she and her husband, in quiet reflection, held hands to connect within and with one another on an angelic level.
As a I sat and witnessed this sacred space I ran through my mind where I was too much of a victim in parts of my life to persevere the tough stuff. To breathe through the tumults. Where was I holding my breath when I felt I had lost control and wasn't willing to give it all up fully to the perfection and timing of the universe. When it hurts...physically, not just emotionally I'd wrap those feelings up beautifully, tuck them away and store them deep in my body with the story telling "I am fine. Everything is fine. I hope I appear that way, as well and should the facade all fall apart, I hope someone is there to pick up my broken pieces".
How do I want to write my story when I think I don't have the energy, I was too wronged or just don't know how and it explodes out in crying, anger, frustration, a sudden injury or random illness? Where is my accountability in my overthinking addiction? Or the default dive in to the negative ending?
UUUUUgh So quitting is an option then. Right?! Afterall, I don't owe anyone any explanations. Truth. But, if I am writing this story and I was being integrous with myself there had been plenty of times where I pulled the victim card so I could checkout and sit down....or get in bed...covers over head. I get to write this story.
What do I see?
This awareness is the pattern interrupt to truth. It is getting out of the ego thinking of the mind and in to an infinite expansion of the heart. Breathe in to open up space and free the mind. Be big and bold. Not hiding what only you have to offer.
In that moment of quiet reflection I was able to recall Emily's constant determination to work for herself as she sees her worth, Loves herself and pushes the boundaries of what she thinks she is capable which increases her light and inspirational magic.
Her mind did change as she opened her heart eyes and her soul began to sing a new language of perspective and forgotten truths. Life begins and ends in breath. What is in the between? She makes a difference just simply BEing. And that simplicity came from taking frequent dives in to her heart space for stillness and quiet. With breath, study, quiet and much needed rest. A respite from a world of over stimulation. I see differently as I've spent time with her. Just 2 beings BEing.
Through consistency in BEing authentically Herself, she has helped change my perspective and give me strength to BE in a cleared space for Me as well.
The power of awareness, being still and not forcing.
Every soul is worth a good effort and a deep breath. And what an exquisite knowing that has become for me.
A few weeks ago, on Palm Sunday, Emily took her last breath and graduated to the next level of BEing. What a gift she was in my life and for so many who were graced by her vast space. The gifts from knowing her continue to flow in and fill me with gratitude. The miracles of wonderment. The intelligent power of healing breath.
Thank you, Emily, for your BEing, your light, your laughs and tears, your space and sharing in space with mine. You are an inspiration of purity and beauty.